Discussion of "The Call" by AnimaBella

Wouldn't Vlad's pre-impalees smell the carnage? I like your concept, the simplicity, and the [cliff]hanger, but to make it work, he'd have to dispose of the bodies elsewhere. If the whole apartment reeked of death, I don't care how drunk he gets the girls; it's impossible to woo when your home smells like a slaughterhouse.

Prophecy, meanwhile, provides more substance with less edge. Great concept, nice work leaving the loony priest for further mashers, and a fantastic paragraph about how Autumn was properly named. Some of the other dialog could be clipped to make it sharper, more genuine. These are 18 year olds?

I'd also prefer a stronger hanger - while it leaves the story wide open, it ignores the significance of only-48-hours-from-Armageddon. Dissatisfied dreamer Autumn runs away with dreamy drifter Luke. Meh. He's not mysterious enough. Steer me away from Twilight. Give him depth. Secrets. And if you make him a vampire, please, please run boiling water over your computer to clean it.

Thank you so much for posting this comment. I was starting to think no one was interested in my stories or they just weren't good. You've given me a lot to think about as far as the scent in the apartment giving these women a hint that Vladimir is bad news. This didn't even cross my mind while writing it.

Also, in writing Prophecy, I'm going to avoid any similarities to Twilight, seeing as I despise the entire saga and Stephanie Meyers' writing style altogether. I assure you, while writing it, I had no intentions of making Luke a vampire. So hopefully, you will read my second chapter and let me know if I made improvements. I will definitely use your suggestions. Thank you again, for the awesome constructive criticism.

By the way, I read "The Third Explosion From the Right"

You are an amazing writer. I hope that I can reach your level over time!