Discussion of "A Dark Wind" by AndrewLamar

I gave it a 2.5. I liked it, but you could have given a little more insight to why he hated his wife so much. Maybe a flash back or shared memories of his hate?

Thanks for the insight. I take ALL constructive criticism in to consideration. I hope you stay tuned for the following chapters, because the true dark nature of the story has yet to unfold.

Thank you,
Andrew Lamar

Some interesting stuff here, but hard to take in one big block paragraph. Breaking it up would make it much easier on the eyes. There's also a couple grammer or spelling mistakes but nothing too big. Sometimes I get confused about which 'him' is which when the man thinks about the kid.
Other then that you express the man's dark thoughts quite well, and the fact that we don't have a clue why almost adds to the mystery, especially since the woman seems nice.
Interesting start, but also quite short, gave you a 3.

Hello,

I have to agree with Cheese. The one big block paragraph certainly helps give a manic feel to his thinking, but it's hard to follow.

You present this man's anger very well. I like the bit with the holes. They bother him. They bother him cause his wife nags. Then more fresh holes enrage him.

I think it has a lot of potential, but I think some of it is hiding in that huge unbroken paragraph.

I will also score it a 3.