Discussion of "Harvest Chapter Two" by Althorian

Much tighter! Getting rid of the adverbs really helps keep the action moving. I liked the bits of thought you added into Maybel's action, too. Great revision:)

ty very much thought you migth like it a little more.

Althorian~
I agree with honeygloom…Nice reworking my friend! You worked out many of the details that I struggled with in the first draft. I enjoy this one much more.

I was still a little distracted by Maybel innocence. I mean, she is dropping the carcass of a dead dog down the well in chapter one. No mention of that in your chapter.
I suppose it can be viewed as a mystery for another MASH chapter to solve.
Great job editing and reworking!

ty dogdeity

Althorian, overall, you show yourself to be a much better writer than you give yourself credit for. With your capacity to express ideas in such clear, accessible language, I feel you sell yourself short by not clearing up the very few distractions here. What I mean is that in a work this short, you can't really afford to have repetitions like using "save the girl" too close together, replace one with "rescue the stricken child" or some such. It might be argued that "save the girl" is simply too weak for such a short work. More than getting your ideas across, amp up the emotion, as well. Try using a Thesaurus to find stronger and more interesting words. Take a little more time, I can tell you have the talent to really blow our minds. The format is a bit distracting too. Overall, good effort, keep at it.