'Now let me see, if I stroke your fur this way--'

'Reeoowwrrr. If I could just get these damn claws to extend you'd really be sorry, that's for sure.'

--'Ah! That got a response. Not quite what I had intended, but, a response nonetheless ... you, my little feline fatale, are going to help me trap this horrible charlatan before she owns half of Chinatown and puts sweet and sour mystery-meat dumplings on the menu. Can't rely on Malkos too long, he doesn't like cats, dogs or postman and wants to monopolise the market with doughnut holes. If only I can work out which way to--'

'I HATE FLEAS! Disgusting, blood-sucking little--huh!--what the hell are you talking about. Thought to one's self - Rigel you air-head, you're a cat now, he can't understand you, and even if he could do you think he would listen? End thought - mom, how could you do this to me? How could you give me to this ... this moggie molester ... this feline filcher? And who the hell would want stale, tasteless dougnut holes anyway?'

--'Maybe if I had've paid more attention during the Prof's re-transmutation? Re-transformation? Re-transmogrification--yeah, that sounds right, it's got moggy in it. Well, sort of. Anyway, if I had've paid more attention during that class instead of fantasizing about the cute little redhead in the front row you may have been back to your annoying, teenage, angst-ridden self again by now. Ha! Here I am - Sky Farel, prestidigitator par-excellence (a faker, one may be, but it sounds so much better than trainee sorceror) - talking to you as if you can understand everything I'm saying. Talk about a himbo--'

~~~

The other side of town seems so far away to Tony Malkos. He absent-mindedly pulls a loose thread from his nicotine and booze stained shirt. Thoughts manifest themselves rather abruptly and brutally inside his muddled head. 'I was so proud to where this uniform ... once ... until the piss-stained cancer-riddled derros and mind-**** zombie piss-ant pushers and users crept under my skin. Gnawing at my soul from deep inside and spitting out what little good was left in me after 25 years of thankless self sacrifice and back-stabbing bureaucratic bull-****.

It was all the judicial bastards that took my wife and kids away from me. Killed them mercilessly. Pulled their hearts out and ate them in front of me. Not literally of course, but it may as well have been, 'coz they certainly destroyed their trusting, innocent minds. 'Upholding the law' the malignant parasites would spew forth from their fetid orifices. Their diseased hands pointing accusedly at me as if stating that it was my fault and my fault alone'.

Random thoughts were not easing his stomach-ache. Tony Malkos was getting too serious in his advancing years ... too tired. Bad, vengeful thoughts enveloping his mind malevolently. 'I need a strong cup of Joe and a doughnut' he thinks to himself. 'Or maybe a big bowl of steamed dim sims drowning in a pool of dark soy'.

~~~

'You Harvey Grotter (or whatever his damn name is) wannabe! Don't you dare turn me back until I've at least had a saucerful of milk. Anyway, you just wait and see, one day a whole race of alien greenery will invade our planet led brilliantly by a megalomaniacal moggy and give everybody a damned good licking ... oh dear! Sorry, wrong story ... but you just wait and see, something will happen somewhere or my name isn't Rigel 'Fluffykins' Cole. Do you hear me you horrible ... ooh ... um ... ooh yeah, that's it ... oh yes, yes, yes, right there ... oh harder please ... yes, please, much much harder'--

'So that's how I get you to purr? Interesting! Now, where did I put that spell-casting Grimoire?'