Discussion of "A Modern Horror" by Aggeloi

VERY thought provoking. My initial thought is that the parents over-reacted. But of course, they come from a completely different socio-economic background... (and I know some parents who would re-act this way! lol) But makes one wonder... Did the authorities have more on Trina, or is it a witch hunt? Interesting.
Excellent writing, though it didn't grab me from the start like most of your stories do. But then, this is a different style. I loved the interaction between the family as they were moving in. SO true to life! Loved the description in the line "...launched a speedy offensive on Bryan's prominent midsection..."
Good work - 4.5 stars.

VERY realistic "moving" story! Great chapter - looking forward to the next..

Quite an interesting read. Very appropiate for the times. Society has created such an atmosphere of fear where children are concerned to the extent that adult actions around children are over analyzed to the enth degree. Yes there are dangers but not necessarily to the level portrayed.
Very good family interaction.
Keep it up

Very well written. You have a very precise and succinct style. I can tell that you take a lot of time choosing the right words, sentences, paragraphs, etc to build your story. What a sad commentary as well on the mistrust in our society. And with the twist at the end, there are many places this could go. Nice work:)

I really liked it. Well written and the story
flowed. Shows what damage community panic can cause to a person's life.

Your dialogue is very good--very natural.

This chapter is very slow to start--more like a long novel or movie than a five chapter story. This could make it very difficult to wrap up in five sessions.

By the twelfth page of my print out, I felt the suspense beginning to build. If it were moved along a little more quickly, it'd be good to go.

On a personal level, I love this chapter. However, for this contest, I think it's too long-winded.

I just don't think that an advice column would be the best/first place for these parents to voice their concerns. What about the family doctor or the school's guidance counselor?

I'm pleased with Trina's seeming innocence. Nice twist.

Overall, good job!

Thanks for the feedback, everyone! I agree, Katrina, it was definitely a bit too slow for the beginning of what will be a rather short story. And yes, a doctor or counselor probably would've been smarter - the 'Ask Amelia' idea was a bit of a silly thought I had, so I worked it in :-)