Discussion of "Seeing Stars" by Aggeloi

Absolutely brilliant, my friend. A thousand times Wow. Let me say that backwards, woW. :D Well written, very visual. I felt like I was the character, seeing what he saw, feeling what he felt. Again, Wow!

Thanks! And I'm thrilled you caught it was a guy - After I read your comment I realized that there was nothing specifically in there to indicate it was a guy, but the thought patterns and style are pretty masculine :)

In agree. I could tell it was a guy from the tone and I thought it was very well-written. I loved his terse and erratic thoughts coupled with the ability to snicker, even in his situation.

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it - I sure enjoyed writing it!

Very cool! I can totally relate to the pain induced disorientation - it came across very well.

It's so perfectly erratic! The disorientation was expertlly done. The constant mention of the green kept in grounded when the character would go off on something else. Excellently written, Aggeloi, and really...should we expect anything else from you? ;)

Aggeloi, this is truly superb writing! This is how one writes a story with little to no description outside of the character's thoughts and actions. This is professorship for budding writer's...;o)

I'm awed and tickled pink at the opportunity to read this brilliantly imaginative work of art!

Great job, Aggie. You captured an imaginary moment and described it perfectly to those of us without the imagination to see or feel it for ourselves.

Shad, dkk, WWB, and Al -

Thanks so much for your comments! I'm really glad you liked it. This is what happens when I go for a month with very little creative writing - it all comes out at once! Ha. I'm pleased that it seems to have had the desired effect, showing enough without showing too much. It's a balance I often have trouble finding.

This was soooo bad ****. Terrific flow. Awesome narrative. I love when you can get the gist of what’s going on w/o being slapped in the face with tons of details. As a reader, it’s nice to see the writer has enough confidence that I can ‘fill in the blanks’ on my own. You worked that perfectly.
I really, really enjoyed this. Great job.
It reminds me of one I read on SM a long time ago called ‘Andy Williams and the Boys of Company B’ by mandycrum. If you go to stories and sort by rank it is a little ways down the first page. You should check it out.

Very cool:) you did a great job with the narrator's disconnected state, I could really feel it. I also liked that it was more visual than auditory- fits with the drunkenness and injuries. I really enjoyed it, fantastic work!

I echo Honeygloom's thoughts on more visual than auditory. Good point. I loved it. It's kinda like how people were those specially designed glasses that shows a person what it's like to be drunk - just this is in a written form! LOL

Very good start. The imagery is amazing. I look forward to a second chapter.

Well done weaving it together. The character is interesting and seemingly nuts..love it, mad from the situation - well structured, good stuff

Wow - thanks, everyone! So glad people are enjoying it. Blackhand, sorry, but no chapter 2 planned. Feel free to write one if you want!

This was a wonderfully well written piece of work. I really liked how you didn't give too much information away about the character...I think it added to the mystery and excitement of the story. Thumbs up!!!

Thank you! I'm glad you liked the sparseness :) Welcome to Storymash - I look forward to reading something by you!

Instantly got me fascinated and begging for what happens next. Made me feel just like that character in the face of death. Made me wonder if I would react with borderline hysteria in such a foreboding situation instead of with panicked terror. Well done.

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!