Discussion of "Chapter Two, Guilty" by Acee_Andrade

I like how you refered to the doctor's previous dreams in reference with the new reality. Just a tad perplexed about how SFPD got the doc's info and into Vegas so quickly, but that can be easily fixed if they had connected with Vegas PD because they recognized the MO of the victim from something previous. Would like to see how this all ties in. I also like that the new vic is a woman "coveting her neighbor's wife"...interesting twist and very "that's- the- way- things- go- these- days". I like how Adera recalled something she couldn't have known. This brings an interesting facet to the story. Maybe she will be able to harness her abilities more freely now...enabling something fantastic to happen. And of course, she gets taken in for questioning now having said what she has! No concrete aliby and knowledge of classified information. Intriguing.

You know, You wrote an amazingly rich opener. There are so many directions and so many interesting facets to investigate. Usually in the case of a serial, the news spreads quick, I could have addressed it the jursidiction issue, but I must confess I was having too much fun. It's a real pleasure and honor just to be able to write and have it read. Thank you.

No worries...It was really good! Just thought I'd try to give each and every writer a little something. Thanks for taking the time to enjoy the process and adding your piece!

Oh yes....and I only think the victim again being a girl is a twist, because there is nothing in stone that says they all have to be women...because the dreams have alot of symbolism and are not necessarily true to point as described. ;)

Wow, nice idea, transferring one kind of guilt into another, is this a possible set up, will she wind up working with the cops and find a way to make her gift work… All very interesting possibilities. And I like her response to being taken in by the cops, kind of defeated, it carries her angst forward from the first chapter really well. Also, and this may seem like an odd compliment, but I like how you wrote Methra, the assistant. Thus far she hasn’t been given too much personality, but you took a minor character and made her interesting.

Thnaks honey, that means a lot.

Very well done, Acee! I think you connected perfectly to the first chapter and moved the story forward, considerably. I like your style, too, especially dialogue. It's very real "sounding". Great job and good luck!

I think the best part of your chapter comes at the end with Adara being questioned -- would have loved to see that fleshed out and some of the earlier stuff cut. I think it's a v. cool idea to have the psychic being taken in for questioning for "knowing" something about a crime that hasn't been released yet to the public and having no set alibi.

You give wonderful insight to character and really bring the characters alive. However, I wondered why Adara was sobbing over the death of Nona. I thought Nona was a new patient since she didn't react strongly to the news of her death in the first chapter. It just seems a little over the top for me.

The meeting with the cops was slightly awkward. I would think that Adara would want them to get to the point already.

The fact that Adara becomes suspected is slightly predictable. I would have liked to see this go in a different route.

Over all, great effort. Definitely keep it up.

This is interesting, and pretty good writing. You gave a strong voice to your main character – but not the same voice as in the original. You moved and progressed the story, and did so in a different direction from any other second chapters I’ve read. You dropped the fact that Nona was one of several clients passed to Dr. Davis from a colleague who closed up shop. And then, the doctor you do mention seems like a one-timer, not likely to reappear and thus unnecessary to the story. Frankly, I really like this, but I don’t feel like it is a good mashing of Chapter 1. Please write more original stories, because I like your voice. (And if you have a backlog of stories, well, I’m still new here and don’t have a lot of time to spend reading *sob!* , so I haven’t gotten to them yet.)

Thank you all for reading. I did take some liberties, and as such perhaps wasn't as mash friendly as I perhaps should have been. But I did have a lot of fun writing it, if that makes up for shortcomings in the narrative...