TWO

"So? What?" She asks me, making her best bitch face.

It hurts me when I realize that she will never make that face again no matter how much I may have said I hated it.

"You wanna hit?" I ask referencing the now extinguished blunt.

"No, what's this about, Alex?"

"I was just-why don't you sit down, Mags." I say hoping to delay the inevitable.

"No."
She stares at me, disgust lining her face. She looks... Well, she looks pissed. I can almost hear her think as she glares at me. She thinks I'm a stoner, and she's right. She's thinks I'm a loser and she's right again. I am a loser, and now I'm going to loser her. I'm going to lose the one thing I really need, the one thing...

"**** you," I spit through clenched teeth.

"What?" She's incredulous. Good.

"You heard me, **** you. **** you. **** you..." I let my voice fade like the end of song.

"I'm not staying for this."

She goes for the door. Nope, not today, I tell myself. Not gonna lose today. I throw myself between her and the door. The box falls, but it doesn't matter. I have what I need anyway.

"Oh my god, Alex-What're you doing with that?"

"Right now just holding it, but in a minute who knows."

"Why-"

"Shut up! This is ****. You know that, Mags? ****. What I do wrong?"

My heart's in my throat, thumping at my Adam's apple, throbbing in my esophagus. It's hard to swallow.

"I'm not doing this," she says as if the choice were not not clearly mine.

"Yes you are. Yes you-come back." I plead, sounding as pathetic as I sound.

Maggie tries to move by me, I pull the hammer back. I know its not loaded, but she doesn't.

"Sit down and light that for me," I order her. She complies, her hands trembling.

"Alex... I can't not after. Please don't do this."

She hands me the smoldering remains of a once respectable doobie. It was the last of a good stash. I'll miss this stuff almost as much as her, almost.

"What happened to us, Mags? We used to be...perfect."

"You know what happened. You know what you did. Look, Kiera and Zeph are waiting for me. I won't say anything. Just let me go."

"No dice, deary. Not happening. Besides, I still have plenty of time for what I have in mind."

"Which is," she asks timidly.

"You know. Stuff." I smile wickedly. This feels good. I think I like this power. For the first time in our relationship, or what little remains of it, what I say goes.

I see the copper jackets on the ground, fuel for my useless weapon-no my, our, ticket to the other side.

"Fetch us those bullets would ya, Mags," I say on an exhale.

The greenery is really starting to hit me now. The top of my head feels hollow, my mouth fuzzy, my eyes drooping. I love being high.

She hasn't moved. She just stares at the shells. I wonder what she's thinking.

"What're you thinking, Mags?" I ask high on dope and power.

"I'm wondering why you need those bullets," she says carefully.