StoryMash Creative Storytelling Forum

Okay, I've tried getting this story out there before and haven't had much success. Now the first time I tried to get it attention, I got put through the ringer. So I went back over it, and rewrote a lot of it. I'm still not completely confident in it though, and would like someone that would be interested in helping me bring the quality of the story up. I like making the story and the characters, but I notice I tend to not write out details as well as I'd like. I do give the general idea of what happens, but it would be great to make it even more detailed. I will warn though, if you don't like anime or manga styled stories, you won't like this. Anyone who likes Street Fighter, Tekken, or King of Fighters video games/stories, this is definitely for you. Below is the synopsis, with which will follow what I need for this project, and the continued writing of the series of stories.

"Following two young men, Andre Ratchford and Deonta Robinson, through their struggle with their inner darkness and emotions. A Japanese man by the name of Sasuke Soshimatsu, one of the World's richest men, as well as known martial artists, has taken an interest in the boys for the similarity between their powers. Having researched, Sasuke feels that they are the best candidates for his next evolution as a fighter. Thrusting Andre and Deonta into an uncontrollable situation, bound by the beast within themselves. As they fight to regain themselves, Sasuke plots and plans, only to the satisfaction of making himself stronger, feeding the dark energies that move his being. After drawing out the dark creatures from within the boys, he gets himself ready to face them, fueling his desire for the darkness within. The story is set in the Washington, DC Metropolitan Area, May of the year 2006, the battle for their conscious minds.........begins."

Now, what I need to fix up this story, and also to continue the series is this:

A detailed writer, someone who can make the images I've started even bolder and more gripping.

A proofreader, I've tried myself, but I know I missed a lot of simple typos and misused words. I'd like someone who could go over everything and give me feedback as to what they see that needs to be fixed. Dialogue however, probably won't be changed much unless something really good is suggested. I could actually use two or three people for this.

I've generally created the who of the idea, but it's just so massive that I really need help working on it. I want to fix this first story, and the work on the rest of the series. I've been stuck on story 2 for a while now, mostly because of the set back from the first story and having to go back to fix a good portion of it. Below is the link to the story on fictionpress.com, if you read it and are interested in helping me make it even better, please let me know.

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2866202/1/Bloodstorm_The_Potential_Within

Once I have the team together, we'll discuss and figure out compensation for any revenue gained. Thank you for the time you've taken to read this long post. Have a nice day.

Welcome to SM, Pantha35.

Why don't you post your story here and give everyone an opportunity to see what you're talking about? ;o)

I do apologize about the looooonnnnngggg wait for a reply. I forgot that I joined this website and my email never notified of any messages, I only even found this by google searching my story while I was working on my website. I don't think I can post the whole story here, it's 10 chapters long and about 111 pages long (116 if you include the character bios). But maybe I can actually post up the completed first chapter.